Living Life On Purpose

**(Purpose & Purposed. We are all born with a Purpose and we all should live Purposed lives.)
[Are all Purposes Purposed on Purpose? Is any Purpose acceptable or is there an etiquette?]
{Happiness is a symptom of Purposed living, imagine what brings Joy} **July 30th, 2014**

Another Entry from the Past

This was started over six years ago.

Perhaps I didn't finish it because the zeitgeist hadn't reached critical mass. 

    There's been a lot that has happened in the last six years. Thinking back to that time is interesting, I can literally find a few different journal entries for that area of time.. Concerning the month, week, and even around that day. Well.. Up to July 29th, 2014 that is. And... It isn't pretty. 

However, it is a bit hard to discern what the actual problem is. Ambiguous language describing a problem.. Is the problem. The words in my journal seem to match what is going on above even though I'm basing my conclusion on what emotions I feel from my past words. 

The fun thing about looking through my journals to understand what I was talking about is that if it were someone else trying to do this. I think they would come to the same conclusions as I am now, for the same reasons that there's no singular instance described in detail. That is very normal for me, especially since understanding context requires reading a few entries--not necessarily back to back either. 

Considering the zeitgeist and how I keep calling the world "a dump" and go on to describe the way I'm treated.. Which I say. "people unwilling to discern their own lack of forgiveness.." and the day before I describe events as. "shit hitting the fan once again" and also, "Obviously I haven't got a clue as to what I'm doing with myself"
And before all that I was pretty much complaining about an old friend and her inability to stop flirting with me. Sooooo.... WtF was going on exactly? I can't seem to remember all the detail necessary for articulating my explanations logically--or rather, accurately. 
I declared that the 42-week cycle was on it's 5th cycle.. Which meant I was supposed to be "Nullifying Introspective Reasoning" which was an attempt to humble myself using the instructions from outside myself; including prayer and counseling from others. 

    Ok, beautifully written jargon from a previous self.. 

The notion of my words carries this arrogance that I can't remember. Most of the time I am writing I make a lot of declarative statements. So far I've made quite a few, even though the statements are about myself. I would claim that making declarative statements about yourself is an acceptable thing to do, but how is that not an arrogant leap of faith? Shouldn't I ask the people around me how they feel instead? Wouldn't it make more sense to change attributes of my character based on the combined response of people close to me?

Anyways.. I can ask all day about what it was that I was going through or what it was that I meant. It doesn't matter. In comparison, the present times coupled with past words is where my interest piques. I can feel that there was this anxiety in me at the time, but I also feel that it was emotional frustration. There's some appeal to logic, but most of it is in the form of declarative statements. I didn't ask a single question throughout those entries --near the starred date above-- nor did I come to a definitive conclusion based on logical deduction. 

Is there any way that I can find out more information? The more I find the more this gets interesting. 

    I can imagine that within my struggle, that week of whatever, I found myself needing answers. And the answers that I was getting were useful, but something about them must of felt out of place. I know this was at a time when I was getting used to the Anima and even finding that it went a bit deeper than what I was experiencing on the surface. 
I know that there were other people tugging at my heart strings and that there was a lot of resentment forming during those times. Resentment that still carries to this day, but has also grown more severe in my response. In fact, only within this year have I made cuts to ties to relationships. All over the place but also in ways that I used to refuse to do--such as deleting friends from Facebook. 

These days it is a lot easier to delete people on Facebook since so many of them don't even talk to me anymore. Even when I say something to them I'm more likely to get a like than a response. To that I say one thing..

GO TO HELL. 

Same people that never really understood me.. Took me for granted... Forgot everything I stand for....

    Maybe I should be more.. forgiving ..Or less emotionally charged ?

    Arrogance or something else?

I don't get the feeling that I was being stubborn in those days. I am sure there were things I did or said that pissed people off or otherwise dug me a hole into my pit of despair. It's just that I know better than to think I couldn't have been guilty of inflammatory responses or cynical critiques. Typically I don't harass people for any reason, I don't take kindly to being interrupted when I'm talking or writing and I am especially cautious about my approach onto unsuspecting people; unless you're a friend and don't look busy--then you better watch your back, but only in good fun of course. 
    But that last example is an illustration of my silliness even in serious times. It's not that I can't have fun, it's just that usually people want to push me away from my solution-finding mode. And unfortunately that solution-finding mode carries some negative connotations with it. After all, it is only in that mode that I seem to lose my ability to smile and any desire to show my true emotions. This can be problematic since I will display emotions of some kind, but if they don't express my current feelings then no one can adjust their behavior or call mine out. 

Contrary to popular belief, it is unwise to unfairly treat people. And hypocrisy is even more foolish. 

Now to answer the original question from six years back:

    I have a much needed answer--to the best of my current ability. 

Etiquette Matters; Purpose is derived from the Devine; Purposed lives show purpose develops.